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(4 Lovers | Love Me)

That's filthy [25 Mar 2006|02:45pm]
[ mood | happy ]

Oh yeah it is. Oh yeah.

[I love my friends]

(2 Lovers | Love Me)

ADD much? [22 Mar 2006|05:02pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Sooo the "If we're not going to live together, then we're going to act like it" charade didn't last long. Because I just moved in with him. So now we're living together like Sally and the weird guy in the wheelchair, because you know she poisons him all the time to go out with that emo boy Jack and...

what was I talking about?

Actually it's sickingly domestic, I'm even adopting a baby girl as soon as the opportunity arrises. A little fluffy white blue-eyed kitten, awwwwwww. I get all mushy thinking about it.

Sometimes I get caught up in questioning our relationship from the "normal" point of view. "Don't you think it's a little early to be living together? Isn't he too old for you? How is it going to work out in 10 years yadda yadda yadda?"

Hey society, here's a good answer - suck it. I do what I want.

I think it's fucking good to "do what you want" because it's what FEELS right, and god knows in 10 years hey there might be some regrets or whatever but at least you followed your heart and did what felt right instead of listening to "society." Because even if I'm making a huge mistake, I'm making a mistake I'll no doubt learn from and look on fondly for years to come.

I said that last bit because I honestly want to be connected with Chaz whether we're together or not, I honest to god want to be friends with him no matter what because I love him and think he's a great guy. It would be tough and would no doubt take time and whatnot but I am willing to take the time. Or maybe I would love him too much to just be friends with him? Who knows. The thought of breaking up is depressing but I it's something you have to think about even if it never happens, which I'm sure nobody WANTS to happen.

My dad just came into my work and asked about my kitten search, and kept discouraging me saying "It will be spending a lot of time alone, and how will your roommates feel about a catbox in the appartment?" I just shrugged. Hey that's not lying right? I don't have the energy to tell him I moved yet.

END NOTE: Okay listen up Bitch, aka Estevan, when you get back from Africa trying to enslave another tribal manwhore we'll talk about weaknesses okay? Okay.

get me one too

(4 Lovers | Love Me)

Time flies... [15 Mar 2006|12:43pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

[For all those who don't know what's going on in my life]

Wow, I can't believe I have entries in this thing from 2 1/2 years ago. And I also can't believe how much I've changed, and how life is so different. AND how much of a dork I sound like in my old entries. I wrote a lot about my lack of a love life, and the heartache I felt from my abusive mother and father, and other crazy stuff no one but me would understand.

Right now I am 18 (6 days away from being 19), working at Harley Davidson of Seattle, and gearing up to go to the Aveda Institute in May. I have a wonderful boyfriend named Chaz, who I truly love. A lot of people don't understand us because of our vast age difference (24 years), but when they hang around us they realize we're just like every other couple. He is the sweetest guy..in fact as I was typing he brought me a No Fear and said "Just because I love you" awwww. Oh did I mention we work together? Haha..it's okay though we're on opposite sides of the dealership so it's not like we're working side-by-side. That would be weird.

Since high school I've finally found myself and my voice, I no longer go with the crowd or hang out with certain people just to be cool. In fact I look completely different, which is partly attributed to the fact that I dress however I want, not according to the set Kamiak fads. Black hair? Tattoos? Piercings? Hell yes. But don't get me wrong, part of wearing what I want means anything from black bondage pants to a pink button up shirt. I'm not stuck in any style, and hope to never be.

Right now I'm living on my own with a couple of roomates, which is fine but due to the fact that I will only be able to have a part time job when I go to school, and my money will be short, I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to move back in with my father. *gasp!* It's all good, we get along like 200% better since I moved out, and I think things will be okay seeing how I respect him a lot more now. Plus, I miss my kitty! Poor thing.

Anyways, there's probably a lot more I haven't added but you'll just have to ask if your curious.


(2 Lovers | Love Me)

Crazy [03 Jul 2005|01:48am]
[ mood | sleepy ]

So I finally got my labret pierced! Today I was sitting at the receptionists' counter at work and was talking to Jessica about it and all of a sudden I just thought, why the fuck not? I have no more excuses not to, my new job doesn't care. So after work I drove home and called up Sophia, went and picked her up, and went to Tattoo Evolution. It was crazy, I walked in the door and all of a sudden I hear.."Kim?? KIM?!" Yeah guess who it was - JOEY. Or should I say "Joe," as he goes by that now. He used to be in a tight group of friends with my sister growing up, and I haven't seen him in forever. It turns out him and his friend Shane were getting tattoos, which I'm sure turned out awesome. (They didn't get started on Joe's til after we left, so I didn't get to see it.) So we just stood around, waiting for the piercing guy and caught up. Then Shane was like "You two should come on my boss' yaht for the 4th of July." Umm..yes please? Haha I WAS going to throw a party for the 4th but it's like get drunk with a bunch of older, more mature people on a fucking gorgeous yaht - or throw a party with a bunch of teenagers who proabably don't give a shit about your belongings, or if your neighbors get pissed, etc. I mean I love my friends but I don't really trust them when it comes to parties where their #1 goal is getting wasted...and it's in my house. meh..
So anyways...after giving Joe my #, getting pierced, (the apprentice was hella cute), and leaving we went back to Lauren's to wait for these guys to show up & go to this party. It was really big, everyone was already drunk, and I had to take Nas home by 12 which was lucky because right when we left 2 cops came. It was all good though, I'm soo tired..and I have the company bbq to go to tomorrow. Mmm 4 kegs...

OOOHH there will be stories.

(1 Lover | Love Me)

I'm telling you I'm a fake... [19 Jun 2005|10:34pm]
Just when I think I have things figured out, people change..lie..things get twisted.
All I can do is trust myself and hide my true feelings away.
Even if it take a bottle of expensive tequila and some J.

I just want to be delivered something honest and true.
I don't want to deal with the reality of life anymore.

Please let me rest.

(1 Lover | Love Me)

Damn, Gina [22 May 2005|08:26pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Friday night was fuuun. Hung out at Brian's house, he plays trombone in IW, and the boys from Sleep In Fame. They are all so adorable, such nice guys. Why do they have to live so far away?! They should just move to Seattle. : )

I'll write about prom later..too tired. : \

(1 Lover | Love Me)

Take my hand... [19 May 2005|09:50pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I have self tanner up my nose! Just thought I'd share. Prom is in two days, and I'm so stressed out about everything. School, work, prom, the two papers I have to write tonight, the 8 page essay and 2 two page essays that are due at the end of the quarter, etc. My life is a mess, a very fast-pace mess. I feel like if I give myself a minute to, I'll just break down. Bleeeh. : \


I want to be able to write about more fun, good things in here more often.

(1 Lover | Love Me)

bright lights [16 May 2005|06:28pm]
[ mood | lethargic ]

The last couple of days feels like all Stevan all the time. Saturday night we went out around town and ended up at Henry's, chain smoking and just being retarded. I don't know why but asians NEVER card me for ciggarettes! It's weird. Anyways Sunday was a cause for celebration so I picked up Steve, and hung out with Ana and him for a bit at the mall. Me and Ana had to listen to Steve and Jamal talk about other hot girls which was annoying for both of us so we peaced out of there pretty fast. Then Ana decided to be a good student and do her work so I dropped her at Sophia's then grabbed Steph to hit up some Baby J. Stephanie's sister was having a bday party but me and Steve talked her out of that one pretty fast...I guess her sister likes to call me "Lindsay Lohan" because apparantly she doesn't like me and that's supposed to be an insult. COOL. : \ Soooo after that fun-ness we went to Brad's where I saw Aiza, who I hadn't seen in forever, but left pretty fast to go to my house. At like 11:30 Steph had to go home but Stevan spent the night. Scandalous as it may sound, we just watched MTV and made stupid jokes until I finally passed out around 3:30. It was heelll trying to wake up two hours later!! I would have stayed home too if my dad hadn't said he'd be home at 12:00. Too bad he wasn't home till effing 4:00! Grr.

I have a midterm due tomorrow for psych 100. I'm so lazy.. : |

Oh yeah.. prom sucks!! I'm soo broke right now I need to bum like $100 off my dad. Let's see if that actually works, shall we?

(2 Lovers | Love Me)

good times [14 May 2005|09:43am]
[ mood | amused ]

Yesterday was insane...

It started out by me getting my hair dyed by Steph & Laila, which turned out interesting looking. Black & Blonde streaks, hmm. I think I like it, but I'm not sure yet..haha. Well after that was done I was like damn I have to go prom dress shopping with my mom at 3. Weelll she fucked me over and we didn't go so I went home and decided to take a nap. Like right when I start falling asleep my dad comes home making all this noise and I start crying uncontrolably. I was having a really bad day and all I wanted in the whole world was to just fall asleep and I couldn't. ANYWAYS a little later on when I was playing around with my car I call Steph and she told me to come over to this guy Brad's house so at about 11 we went over there. Umm let's just say the Jagger bombs + baby J kicked my ass. THANK GOD Chad was there, because I had to drive home and he made sure I got some fresh air and gatoraid before I took off. Umm I think he was just stalling because I was like "I need to go home NOW" but I was obviously waay too gone to do much of anything. Such good friends.

I hope Chris remembers how he sang like 99% of the time. That was hilarious.

(Love Me)

[04 May 2005|11:30pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

I got on the computer after work with the best of intentions: to write up my Secret Life of Bees discussion paper. But I am just too distracted playing catch up reading other people's journals, my email, etc. And I just got acrylics back on so typing is a bitch : ( oh well at least at work my hands will look good when I'm doing demos. Ughh speaking of work I am about to embark on a 6 week journy of having no life. Full time HS, a class at Edmonds CC, and now 2 jobs. In the summer it will be nice being able to work both so I can get good $$ but until then it will be hell. If I didn't already feel like I lived at the mall working at B&BW now I will for sure. Yeeah..and the weekends + hanging out with friends? Um, let me pencil you in. Pathetic.

(2 Lovers | Love Me)

MIA (MIA?) MIA! [19 Apr 2005|03:35pm]
[ mood | confused ]

No sillies, not MIA as in Miami, but MIA as in WHERE THE FUCK IS RACHEL LeFREE??? Yeah...no one knows. : \

(Love Me)

[13 Apr 2005|05:28pm]
[ mood | TO'd ]

I think we need to stop playing this game. If you don't like me, don't pretend to be a friend. You know who you are. Stop being a fucking pussy and just tell me how you feel so we can get all of this out in the open, no questions unanswered or feelings surpressed. I'm tired of being the the gray area...help me the fuck out. Tell me you hate me, I'm retarded gay fat weird stupid whatever. Just don't lie or talk around the truth.

I want to know why you resent me so much. How am I a threat? Because that's how you treat me.

(Love Me)

I'm a sucker for fakes [11 Apr 2005|07:14pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Last night I saw Donnie Darko with Alex and Sophia...and I related to Donnie so much. No, I don't see 6' bunnies named Frank around, but the other things...

okay I'm done.

(2 Lovers | Love Me)

I am a heart Watson, the rest of me is mere appendix. [09 Apr 2005|04:46pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

Last night was delightful. Minus the guy in the picture, of course. I loved loved LOVED Forgive Durden, and This Providence was just pretty. I was right in my predictions of not having a good time with the guy, but thank god Ana was at the show! I got in the mosh pit (remember me always saying I would never EVER do that?...well...Jamais Vu makes you do crazy things) and Ana got a fat lip! Hardcore. When we got back to my house we found a few drinks leftover in my room from earlier in the evening, and being the sensible young woman that I am, I downed them all. I was basically Ana's entertainment for the next hour before I passed out. Wasted me trying to surf the internet, pour cereal, get a spoon out of the drawer...pure comedy.

Mmm Indie boys.

(4 Lovers | Love Me)

It was an honest mistake... [06 Apr 2005|07:21pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

I'm so confused..! I have a date this friday with a guy I barely know, which is okay, because the whole point of a date is to get to know someone better, but the problem is when we have talked there was no...spark. It gives me a pessimistic outlook on this. ughh I HAVE THE MOST HOPELESS LOVELIFE OF ANYONE YOU WILL EVER KNOW!!! Why can't I meet a dark haired, scruffy guy with boyish charm that happens to be smart and funny?! Where are you?! I give up.

Sooo anyways, I found some photos that have long since been hidden. I thought I'd share given my recent tendency to be a camerawhore. The only newish picture is the last one, the rest are old.

Me and my brother, SO blurry
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The Mouth of Hell aka Mukilteo Beach
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

The Good Times
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I hate that douche!
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

My sorry attempt at artistic photos
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

(2 Lovers | Love Me)

Two steps back... [03 Apr 2005|08:10pm]
Some people are a disapointment. I don't know what else to say, or how else to say it.

The tide is coming in, and the waves are washing over me...

(8 Lovers | Love Me)

Hellfire [31 Mar 2005|09:18pm]
[ mood | artistic ]


That said and out of my system...

Aren't we the best friends ever?

Image hosted by Photobucket.com
Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Yes, this was the beginning of the end.

(Love Me)

pulled a 360 [22 Mar 2005|05:37pm]
[ mood | energetic ]

Well. Things have completely changed since that last entry. I swear, every fucking year one parent has to pull some bullshit and the other parent has to make up for it. It was my moms turn to be the bitch I guess (with the help of my sister) and my dad ended up coming through. Even though it's still a little awkward at least we're on speaking terms now. I feel hella bad because I'm about to tell him I want to take the necklace back (Yes it's real white gold with a quarter carat diamond) and I don't want to be an asshole about it. Shhiittt. And Rachel you fucking bitch you never answer your cell phone! haha. I wanted to find out if you were working tonight because I want to talk to Ali. Well I guess I'll find out in a few minutes, won't I? Uhghhgh I have Lauren's voice in my head so the way I'm typing is like the way she talks. What the flip?! <<yeah, she needs to stop saying that! I just got back from her house and I couldn't stop eating. I swear between me, Lauren, Sophia, and Ana we must have ate enough for a family of 10. Let's see I had a ton of chips and salsa, cookies, a couple glasses of juice, some mac n' cheese, pretzels, and a miniature apple pie. This was all between 2:30-4:30pm. I'm surprised we aren't a bunch of lard asses yet. That reminds me of this one comedian.. "Andre, just do me a favor, if I ever get fat...shoot me." "Well BANG bitch!"

(Love Me)

i WILL have revenge [19 Mar 2005|10:31pm]
[ mood | Fucking Pissed ]

So tonight was 'birthday' night, even though it's not technically till monday. I fucking hate my birthday, my parents always find some way to ruin it every year. So tonight my dad gave me my present in front of my family...like it's something to be proud of. A 'diamond' necklace. I don't know if it's real or not, but I would rather have the receipt so I could get the money. I swear he got me something he knew I would have no use for and would never wear on purpose. His girlfriend was like "If you don't want it, I'll have it" as a joke, but I seriously might just hand it to her on her way out. Fucking gay...or next time he bitches about money I'll throw the box at his head so he can go fill up his $20,000 motorcycle with gas and go ride around on it aimlessly.
And don't think this is what 'ruined' my birthday. He's been bitching at me for the last week, calling me a fuckup and all that...so this is the least of it all I guess. Maybe I just thought he'd use some leftover braincells and get me something I needed, wanted, or liked for my birthday. Seriously...he might as well have gotten me nothing. At least that would have been funny. For a second. And my mom...yeah, probably won't even bother to pick up the phone and call to day 'Happy Birthday' this year. (again)

wow the past couple of entries have been so full of angst!!!! I LOVE IT. uhh...yeah, I guess that's what LJ is here for. To vent...so I don't take my anger out on a some asian with hair cooler than mine.

(edited to say: ALL asians have cooler hair than me. So watch the fuck out)

(8 Lovers | Love Me)

I wish...I wish. [04 Mar 2005|04:53pm]
[ mood | cynical ]

I don't know what to write in here anymore. I have nothing good to say, and I'm one of those people who have to pretend to be happy and 'okay' when they're not...for everyone. Even my closest friends have no clue, never have known the extent of what has gone on in my life because of it. I keep asking myself the same thing..if I had different parents, friends, lifestyle, environment, pretty much everything (all for the better)...would I still have these feelings?

Excuse me while I go put some more black eyeliner on and write some profound poetry.

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